His weapon of choice? A double-bladed battle axe named Splitter, forged from salvaged train parts and sharpened with desert grit. It’s not just a symbol—it’s his bat. He takes it to the plate, and nobody dares tell him it’s against the rules. Every swing feels like a minor earthquake, and every home run sounds like thunder bouncing off canyon walls.

Bjorn doesn’t just play baseball. He raids it.

He’s known for scaring pitchers into early retirement, splitting helmets (and sometimes dugout benches), and single-handedly clearing concession lines during the 7th inning stretch. But despite the chaos, he's loyal to his team, kind to fans (especially kids), and never misses a postgame chili dog.

🪓Strengths: Axe-Powered Swing: Generates legendary exit velocity. Opposing outfielders routinely positioned outside the fence. Mythic Strength: Once cracked a ball so hard it opened a soda machine.


❌ Weaknesses: Field Rampages: Occasionally forgets it’s baseball, not battle—once tackled a mascot for "stealing second.” Helmet Fit Issues: Horns make it hard to find regulation gear. No Filter: Once argued with an ump using only grunts and interpretive axe swings.